Wasn't the best of birthdays, been sick for several days and quite frankly turning 32 held little to no appeal for me, but it turned out well enough because I have an amazing and loving husband who remembered I love roses and greeting cards and good food, and because I have amazing and loving friends who reminded me they care about me. Not the least of which was the singing phone call from one of my oldest friends. Was good to laugh between coughing. So I guess in the end I can say it was a pretty good birthday after all.
2012 has been a hard year for me, though only a few people knew this. Just a lot of introspection, self discovery, and fighting some internal battles. But thanks to taking a leap of faith recently and putting trust in a woman I have come to love and adore like a sister, I feel like things are starting to finally come together in my head. I'm starting to feel healthier on a mental level than I have in years. And now I have someone to help me fight those internal battles. Somewhere along the line I had forgotten that as humans we need each other's help to get through the hard stuff. I only wish I had asked for help sooner. And I love my husband with all my heart and soul, but sometimes you just need a woman's perspective.
I can't possibly list all the things I've learned in my grand ole 32 years of life, but a few things I learned recently have some weighty importance to me.
1) I have to love my friends for who they are, not who I want them to be. This might mean that some friends are not as close as I would wish them to be because of differences I can't get around, but I can't expect a person to be someone they're not, and I have to love them for who they are. Realizing this has made some of my friendships so much better.
2) Ask for help even if it means taking a leap of faith and putting trust in someone regardless of how terrified I am. If I'm scared, that should be a good indication I need someone to help me through it. Life is not a one woman show.
3) I'm not perfect. I can reinvent myself as many times as I want, but my inherent demons are always hiding in the shadows. Which means I have to fight them back, every single day. If I want anything good in my life, this is not an option, it's mandatory. Refer to (2) above for help accomplishing this.
I always feel like my birthday is actually my "New Year", not January 1st. So here's to making this year better and healthier than the last.
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