You know how some people like to claim they have an "inner goth kid", i.e. there's a part of them that loves the goth style but they don't live it on a daily basis? I understand it; it's an attraction to the dark and mysterious.
Well, I have one of those too, but I think my inner cowgirl could lasso my goth girl's butt to the ground. Yep, I'm admitting it. There's just a bit of a country girl in my heart.
There's nothing that can get my blood racing faster than a man in a Stetson and a nice pair of boots (except my husband...now if I could just convince him to WEAR the Stetson and the boots...), and there's nothing that makes me tap my foot and sing at the top of my lungs like a good country beat (nestled nicely in a rock song, preferably). I like good barbecue and I could spend hours listening to someone play acoustic guitar. I haven't ridden a horse since I was a kid, but I think it's something I could definitely enjoy if I had the opportunity.
This revelation brought to you by listening to Country Song by Seether this morning on the radio and realizing the music behind the lyrics was pulling at my soul.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
National Day of Prayer
Today is the National Day of Prayer for 2011. So, I give you prayer, Nicole-style. This might get kindof personal. If you're named, feel happy I pray for you, probably often. If you're not named it doesn't mean I haven't ever or that I won't ever, but for the sake of this particular prayer I can't name every single one of my friends.
Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be your name,
Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done,
On Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil,
For thine is the Kingdom, the Glory, and the Power,
For ever and ever.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
God, thank you for this beautiful life you have given me, for my healthy body, for my wonderful husband, for Anne, for great parents, for my sisters, for friends, and for good employers.
Please watch over my Mom and Ray in their new marriage, please help Kristian's parents' hearts continue to heal after the loss of Andrew, please help my sister Kayla to make good decisions, please keep Kat safe from her seizures and help her relationship with Brian to grow, please watch over Andrea and Darren and their family, please watch over Steve and Emily and their family as they begin their marriage in a couple of months, please bless Vern and Amanda, please bless Brian and Jen, please keep Lucy safe, please help my friends who are pregnant to have good, safe births, please bless Dan and Whitney, please watch over Caitlin and keep her safe,
Please help me to be the best wife and mother I can be, please grant me peace with the lost relationships I still struggle with, please help me to not feel so overwhelmed with this new mom thing, please help me to be a better sister and friend,
Please watch over those who are struggling with cancer or other illnesses, please help the families who have been struck by natural disasters to rebuild,
Please guide me in the way that you want me to live my life, and help me to open others' hearts to you, Lord.
I love you.
Amen.
Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be your name,
Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done,
On Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil,
For thine is the Kingdom, the Glory, and the Power,
For ever and ever.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
God, thank you for this beautiful life you have given me, for my healthy body, for my wonderful husband, for Anne, for great parents, for my sisters, for friends, and for good employers.
Please watch over my Mom and Ray in their new marriage, please help Kristian's parents' hearts continue to heal after the loss of Andrew, please help my sister Kayla to make good decisions, please keep Kat safe from her seizures and help her relationship with Brian to grow, please watch over Andrea and Darren and their family, please watch over Steve and Emily and their family as they begin their marriage in a couple of months, please bless Vern and Amanda, please bless Brian and Jen, please keep Lucy safe, please help my friends who are pregnant to have good, safe births, please bless Dan and Whitney, please watch over Caitlin and keep her safe,
Please help me to be the best wife and mother I can be, please grant me peace with the lost relationships I still struggle with, please help me to not feel so overwhelmed with this new mom thing, please help me to be a better sister and friend,
Please watch over those who are struggling with cancer or other illnesses, please help the families who have been struck by natural disasters to rebuild,
Please guide me in the way that you want me to live my life, and help me to open others' hearts to you, Lord.
I love you.
Amen.
Long Road Ahead
I got out of the shower last night to hear a bunch of screaming and wailing across the street at our neighbor's house, in our usually very quiet neighborhood. Concerned for anyone's safety, Kristian and I went downstairs and looked out the front window just to make sure no one was getting beaten. What we saw was a bunch of teenage angst as the high school girl across the street was screaming and crying at the top of her lungs, complete with throwing herself down on the driveway and moving to sit in the middle of the street at one point. This went on for close to 20 to 30 minutes before her mother (I'm assuming) finally got her to go back inside their house.
Now, I remember being that age. I remember how it felt if you got broken up with or found out your boyfriend was cheating on you or any of the other number of things that girl could have possibly been upset about. So I get the emotion involved and the need to vent it out...what I don't get is her parents' letting her disturb the entire neighborhood while she did it.
Which leads me to the comment I made to Kristian... "I'm not cool with spanking Anne, but I swear if our daughter ever does that and refuses to come inside, I will slap the s$%^ out of her....that's just inconsiderate to everyone else in the neighborhood."
Wait, what? Did I just say that? Latent violent tendencies much? I don't want to spank her as a toddler, but I'm willing to slap her as a teenager? Sigh. I have a long road ahead of me to rework what I think is acceptable discipline. That was my knee-jerk reaction to the situation. But after thinking about it awhile, I don't ever want to slap Anne. Again with the hitting someone is not a way to solve problems. I don't think I'd be above bodily dragging her back inside though and telling her to go scream it out in her bedroom. And possibly making her drop off notes to the neighbors apologizing for her public outburst. But this just made me realize it may take some serious effort to maintain the kind of parenting I want to do, because it's not just a matter of putting principles into practice...it's going to be a matter of overcoming my own impulses. Guess I still have some growing up to do of my own.
Now, I remember being that age. I remember how it felt if you got broken up with or found out your boyfriend was cheating on you or any of the other number of things that girl could have possibly been upset about. So I get the emotion involved and the need to vent it out...what I don't get is her parents' letting her disturb the entire neighborhood while she did it.
Which leads me to the comment I made to Kristian... "I'm not cool with spanking Anne, but I swear if our daughter ever does that and refuses to come inside, I will slap the s$%^ out of her....that's just inconsiderate to everyone else in the neighborhood."
Wait, what? Did I just say that? Latent violent tendencies much? I don't want to spank her as a toddler, but I'm willing to slap her as a teenager? Sigh. I have a long road ahead of me to rework what I think is acceptable discipline. That was my knee-jerk reaction to the situation. But after thinking about it awhile, I don't ever want to slap Anne. Again with the hitting someone is not a way to solve problems. I don't think I'd be above bodily dragging her back inside though and telling her to go scream it out in her bedroom. And possibly making her drop off notes to the neighbors apologizing for her public outburst. But this just made me realize it may take some serious effort to maintain the kind of parenting I want to do, because it's not just a matter of putting principles into practice...it's going to be a matter of overcoming my own impulses. Guess I still have some growing up to do of my own.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Mess
Today I am overly tired, I don't feel well, I have a clogged duct (read: lots of pain), and I'm overly emotional. Anne's vaccinations stole my weekend with my daughter because they made her sick and cranky all weekend. I think she even knew it; Kristian said she woke him up this morning by flailing her arms at him and grinning, not by crying. More like, "I'm awake, Daddy! Time to play??" I just needed one more day.
She needed just one more day, too; she cried when I left this morning and she never does that. I always use the restroom before I leave the daycare and when I came out she was crying and sitting in Meg's lap. I went in and held her for another second and tried to get her to smile before I left but it nearly killed me to walk out the door again. I called around 11 and Meg said she'd been fussy all morning. All I want to do is leave work and go get her. Trying to get off early, but who knows.
Do you ever pass car accidents and wonder if you had left 5 minutes earlier if it would have been you? There was a motorcycle accident a mile from the daycare center this morning that had just happened shortly before I got there. Police were on the scene but they didn't even have the guy in the ambulance yet. I couldn't help but wonder if someone was watching over me, and Anne cried and made me later so that I would miss the accident. Maybe if I had left on time I would have hit the car that hit the motorcycle....
Just a mess today. I've almost started crying about six different times. So ready to go home and snuggle with my baby girl and get kisses from my husband.
She needed just one more day, too; she cried when I left this morning and she never does that. I always use the restroom before I leave the daycare and when I came out she was crying and sitting in Meg's lap. I went in and held her for another second and tried to get her to smile before I left but it nearly killed me to walk out the door again. I called around 11 and Meg said she'd been fussy all morning. All I want to do is leave work and go get her. Trying to get off early, but who knows.
Do you ever pass car accidents and wonder if you had left 5 minutes earlier if it would have been you? There was a motorcycle accident a mile from the daycare center this morning that had just happened shortly before I got there. Police were on the scene but they didn't even have the guy in the ambulance yet. I couldn't help but wonder if someone was watching over me, and Anne cried and made me later so that I would miss the accident. Maybe if I had left on time I would have hit the car that hit the motorcycle....
Just a mess today. I've almost started crying about six different times. So ready to go home and snuggle with my baby girl and get kisses from my husband.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
I Have A Dream
Breastfeeding has become a passion of mine. It's the number 1 *best* nutrition you can give your child, and it has rockstar health benefits for mom too. While I realize that there are many women in the U.S. who can't breastfeed for medical reasons, there are also a whole LOT of women who don't breastfeed, or don't breastfeed for very long, because of lack of education (it's not as intuitive as you'd think, and there are tons of misconceptions) and most importantly, support. I was talking with a friend recently about the subject, and she told me her story:
"You know what bothers me the most is that it wasn't like I chose to be less informed you know? I was 18 and yes that was my fault and I was also broke as a joke, also my fault. However WIC and Medicaid should have better resources for educating women on breast feeding. They handed me my WIC vouchers and were like, "Here's your stuff for formula." They ask if you plan to breast feed because then you get more food for longer as opposed to getting formula. But pumps are not cheap especially for people who are on WIC and/or Medicaid. I didn't even know I could rent one from the hospital and even that's not cheap. You would think Medicaid would cover that or that WIC could help but they don't...... I didn't have internet back when I was pregnant so not so much on the research.... The resources are on the internet but if you are broke like I was that isn't an option. It's disappointing that WIC or Medicaid doesn't help women who are like I was."
And I couldn't help but wonder how many other women are in that exact same situation, or one very similar. And suddenly I realized what I want to do with my life. Yes, at nearly 31 years old, I think I've finally figured it out (other than being a Mom).
My friends gave me a lot of support with my questions, and now I love helping friends with breastfeeding questions; if I don't know the answer I'll ask a teacher or look it up. I happily gifted a class to another friend recently. I'm not ashamed to admit I've turned into a lactivist. Breastfed babies means healthier babies and healthier moms. The more parents that choose to breastfeed in the U.S. the healthier we will become as a nation. No, it won't happen overnight. But nothing ever does. Change takes time.
So will following this dream of mine. My ultimate goal is to become a board certified Lactation Consultant (IBLCE). That will require university level courses in several subjects, including human anatomy, nutrition, infant and child growth and development, etc. as well as many other requirements. I frankly don't have the money to go back to school right now, or the time, so this will be a long term goal for me. Even becoming a Lactation Specialist or a Certified Lactation Educator (CLE) requires extensive study and in-field experience, though I may decide to use those levels as stepping stones or they may even become my final goal rather than IBLCE.
In the meantime, I plan to start attending La Leche League meetings and may eventually become a LLL Leader. I'll start where I can. Volunteer? Yes, please. Meetings once a month? Yes, please. I'm not in a hurry to do everything at once. I'll get my feet wet first and see where this takes me. But one thing is for certain; I want to help women have the confidence and the knowledge to successfully breastfeed their babies. Healthier Americans? Yes, please.
"You know what bothers me the most is that it wasn't like I chose to be less informed you know? I was 18 and yes that was my fault and I was also broke as a joke, also my fault. However WIC and Medicaid should have better resources for educating women on breast feeding. They handed me my WIC vouchers and were like, "Here's your stuff for formula." They ask if you plan to breast feed because then you get more food for longer as opposed to getting formula. But pumps are not cheap especially for people who are on WIC and/or Medicaid. I didn't even know I could rent one from the hospital and even that's not cheap. You would think Medicaid would cover that or that WIC could help but they don't...... I didn't have internet back when I was pregnant so not so much on the research.... The resources are on the internet but if you are broke like I was that isn't an option. It's disappointing that WIC or Medicaid doesn't help women who are like I was."
And I couldn't help but wonder how many other women are in that exact same situation, or one very similar. And suddenly I realized what I want to do with my life. Yes, at nearly 31 years old, I think I've finally figured it out (other than being a Mom).
My friends gave me a lot of support with my questions, and now I love helping friends with breastfeeding questions; if I don't know the answer I'll ask a teacher or look it up. I happily gifted a class to another friend recently. I'm not ashamed to admit I've turned into a lactivist. Breastfed babies means healthier babies and healthier moms. The more parents that choose to breastfeed in the U.S. the healthier we will become as a nation. No, it won't happen overnight. But nothing ever does. Change takes time.
So will following this dream of mine. My ultimate goal is to become a board certified Lactation Consultant (IBLCE). That will require university level courses in several subjects, including human anatomy, nutrition, infant and child growth and development, etc. as well as many other requirements. I frankly don't have the money to go back to school right now, or the time, so this will be a long term goal for me. Even becoming a Lactation Specialist or a Certified Lactation Educator (CLE) requires extensive study and in-field experience, though I may decide to use those levels as stepping stones or they may even become my final goal rather than IBLCE.
In the meantime, I plan to start attending La Leche League meetings and may eventually become a LLL Leader. I'll start where I can. Volunteer? Yes, please. Meetings once a month? Yes, please. I'm not in a hurry to do everything at once. I'll get my feet wet first and see where this takes me. But one thing is for certain; I want to help women have the confidence and the knowledge to successfully breastfeed their babies. Healthier Americans? Yes, please.
Bittersweet
On the other hand, it's the beginning of the end of our nursing relationship. I really enjoy breastfeeding my daughter. I love the way her tiny hand searches for my face when she's nursing, or tugs at my shirt. I love when she pauses, looks up into my eyes and smiles, and all I feel is love coming from her beautiful blue eyes. I love holding her close to me in bed at night, and how she loves to fall asleep on my lap after nursing.
And then there's the fact that up until now, every ounce (no pun intended) of nutrition that has ever entered her body came from me. She has never eaten anything from a can, box, bag, the ground, another animal, etc. 6 months of her life and her growth is attributed all to the life-giving milk I have provided her. It's an amazing and wondrous feeling. Breastfeeding really does feel like having a super power. Or a direct connection to God. Or both.
So, I'm excited to be on to something new, but I'm also a little sad to have hit this turning point. Time just goes by too fast.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Weekend Adventures
Friday night Kristian went to hang out with his friends like he usually does and I stayed home with Anne. I considered calling some people to hang out, but I didn't feel like going anywhere and I wanted the option of going to bed early. It was the first night in a long time that I haven't watched any tv; we're trying to follow the practice of no tv for Anne before she's 2 years old (although admittedly sometimes she watches Scrubs with us or whatever else is on if she doesn't fall asleep right after dinner). So I played with her, had leftovers for dinner, and then when it became apparent that she had no intentions of going to sleep early, I needed something else to do with her. She only has so many toys and even if she's not bored with them quickly, I am.
So I turned on Pandora.com, chose my "Better Than Ezra" station, and danced around my living room with Anne in my arms. She enjoyed it, I had fun doing something I love to do, and it was a little bit of exercise. I got tired after about 4 or 5 songs (Anne is getting heavy!!) and decided to go to bed finally, but it was fun. This Friday I might break out some pop/dance music.
Saturday morning we got up at the crack of dawn to go to the DMV to get our address changed on our driver's licenses. After waiting for half an hour for our number to be called a supervisor announced that they couldn't do address changes because of a system update. Needless to say we were not very excited about this. The good part though was that it meant Kristian didn't sleep until almost noon so I got to spend some more time with him. Anne took a nap on my lap when we got back and Kristian and I played Tetris. It's one of the few video games I really enjoy. We spent the rest of the day bumming around the house, and we finally watched Inglorious Basterds. It was a good movie, very Tarantino.
Sunday we slept too late to make it to church but I started our morning off with a delicious breakfast of blueberry pancakes, sausage, and eggs. Then we went to Fini's Pizza to support a fundraiser for Ground Zero Grace (http://www.groundzerograce.com/) for lunch. I cooked for one of the new moms in our church and we drove her meal up to her house in Gainesville, then we spent the rest of the evening watching Scrubs.
Both Saturday and Sunday nights I got to fall asleep on the couch with Anne, which is one of my favorite things to do. Kristian likes to stay up later than I do, and I don't like going to bed without him, so I'll lay on the couch with Anne, nurse her, and fall asleep while he plays a video game or reads nearby to keep an eye on us. I think I sleep so well like this because I know Kristian is there watching over us; I feel safe. I never sleep with Anne on the couch when he's not there, though, so I look forward to being able to do it on the weekends.
In three more weeks we'll start Anne on solids. We're doing Baby-Led Weaning and I'm really excited about it. Should be interesting (and messy!) She's sitting up on her own really well now. Every new little thing that she learns how to do just amazes me. Babies really are like a blank slate. You have to teach them everything. I didn't realize how many things we take for granted until I had a child, like the simple things like knowing what a cup or a fork is. Still no signs of crawling, but she's so strong I won't be surprised if she walks first. She loves to stand up and she only needs your hand or an object nearby to balance.
So I turned on Pandora.com, chose my "Better Than Ezra" station, and danced around my living room with Anne in my arms. She enjoyed it, I had fun doing something I love to do, and it was a little bit of exercise. I got tired after about 4 or 5 songs (Anne is getting heavy!!) and decided to go to bed finally, but it was fun. This Friday I might break out some pop/dance music.
Saturday morning we got up at the crack of dawn to go to the DMV to get our address changed on our driver's licenses. After waiting for half an hour for our number to be called a supervisor announced that they couldn't do address changes because of a system update. Needless to say we were not very excited about this. The good part though was that it meant Kristian didn't sleep until almost noon so I got to spend some more time with him. Anne took a nap on my lap when we got back and Kristian and I played Tetris. It's one of the few video games I really enjoy. We spent the rest of the day bumming around the house, and we finally watched Inglorious Basterds. It was a good movie, very Tarantino.
Sunday we slept too late to make it to church but I started our morning off with a delicious breakfast of blueberry pancakes, sausage, and eggs. Then we went to Fini's Pizza to support a fundraiser for Ground Zero Grace (http://www.groundzerograce.com/) for lunch. I cooked for one of the new moms in our church and we drove her meal up to her house in Gainesville, then we spent the rest of the evening watching Scrubs.
Both Saturday and Sunday nights I got to fall asleep on the couch with Anne, which is one of my favorite things to do. Kristian likes to stay up later than I do, and I don't like going to bed without him, so I'll lay on the couch with Anne, nurse her, and fall asleep while he plays a video game or reads nearby to keep an eye on us. I think I sleep so well like this because I know Kristian is there watching over us; I feel safe. I never sleep with Anne on the couch when he's not there, though, so I look forward to being able to do it on the weekends.
In three more weeks we'll start Anne on solids. We're doing Baby-Led Weaning and I'm really excited about it. Should be interesting (and messy!) She's sitting up on her own really well now. Every new little thing that she learns how to do just amazes me. Babies really are like a blank slate. You have to teach them everything. I didn't realize how many things we take for granted until I had a child, like the simple things like knowing what a cup or a fork is. Still no signs of crawling, but she's so strong I won't be surprised if she walks first. She loves to stand up and she only needs your hand or an object nearby to balance.
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