Recently Anne hit the dreaded separation anxiety + stranger danger phase all at once. After two mornings in a row of complete meltdowns when I left her at daycare, I frantically asked friends for advice on things they did to get their children to be more comfortable when they have to leave them. While well-meaning, I'm sure, all of the people who responded, except one, basically gave me the generic "it's just her age" response. While I appreciated the effort to make me feel better, it didn't give me the answers I was looking for because it didn't give me anything *to do* to make the situation better, and I'm not the kind of parent who accepts just sitting back and letting "it's a phase" be the answer to my daughter being miserable. I believe there is always a solution, you just have to look hard enough for it.
Thanks to advice from Heather E., the No Cry Separation Anxiety Solution book, and a little of my own motherly instincts, I'm going on my second or third week now (I've lost count) of tear-free mornings. It took a couple of mornings of trying different things before I found what works for Anne, but that's the point...I never gave up trying. I was determined to get her to a point where me walking out the door wasn't a catastrophe for her. The right combo seems to be setting her in a bouncer standing up and letting her hold on to her Sleep Sheep while I kiss her, tell her I love her and goodbye, and then simply walk out the door, sometimes waving and blowing a kiss as I go. I make the teachers wait to change her diaper until after I've left the building. I'm happy with myself for not accepting "it's her age" and just letting her cry as the answer. And even if I was going on 2 weeks of tears every day, I'd still be trying to find *something* that works, because even if I didn't find the answer, I'd still feel glad that I was at least trying.
I like responding to my daughter's needs, even if it's not easy or convenient. We went to Athens recently to visit my mom and her husband for his birthday, and on the drive home Anne was fussy. In retrospect I should have nursed her before we left, but it hadn't been that long since I nursed her and I thought she would be okay. She cried, Kristian distracted her, she stopped, then she cried some more, Kristian distracted her, wash rinse repeat. After about the third or fourth cycle of this it became more than evident that she was not just going to sleep for the hour long car trip home, and Kristian's distractions weren't working anymore. She wanted to nurse. I found a side road off 316 and pulled over, put on my hazard lights, climbed in the back seat next to the car seat and nursed her. Yay for tinted windows.
As I was sitting crammed in the back seat, I looked over at Kristian who was calmly and patiently checking the news on his phone. All I could think was how much I love being a parent with him, and how much I love that we're the kind of parents who respond to our daughter's needs and that neither of us thought it would be okay for her to just cry the whole way home or until she wore herself out and passed out. It wasn't convenient to pull over on the side of the road, and we got home much later than we had intended, but it was what Anne needed. She happily fell asleep in my arms and I was able to put her back in her car seat and then let Kristian drive us home so I could sit with her to comfort her if she woke up again. She didn't, but I was there in case she needed me.
Responding to my daughter's needs will change over time as her needs change, but I hope that I can always be the kind of parent that looks for the best solution for my child and not necessarily the easy way out.
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