Or otherwise known as three of the most stressful days of my life, but it was successful so I guess it was worth it.
Friday was nothing but accidents. I can't remember if we had a successful trip before bedtime now or not, it's such a blur, but every other time was an accident. Two things I had to do differently from the method I found on Pinterest : (1) I put Anne in undies, not let her run around naked. For one, I don't have linoleum or tile floors, I have carpet. The undies helped keep a handle on the mess (though still not great, but better than nothing). For two, she didn't want to be naked, she wanted to wear the undies and it wasn't worth fighting her over; and (2) because Anne refuses to sit on the kid potty, we didn't have the option of staying in one room with a potty in the middle of the floor for her to run over to. Fortunately Anne is very verbal already, so we worked on her telling us she needed to go and then we would run to the bathroom. Or we would run as soon as she started to have an accident.
A tip for carpeted floors: cover the floor in baby blankets or towels in the rooms you plan to stay in. Whenever Anne had an accident, I could just pick up that small blanket or towel and throw it in the wash, and it helped keep most of the mess off the carpet. I still feel like I need to steam clean my whole house, but it definitely helped.
Saturday showed some improvement but it was a roller coaster of Anne cooperating with sitting on the potty and screaming and crying whenever we set foot in the bathroom, despite the fact that she had told me she needed to go. The first time she fought me like this, I gave in and we went back downstairs...and she had an accident 5 minutes later. So for the rest of the day, whenever she said she had to go but then tried to back out of it, we hung out in the bathroom until she either gave in and sat or started to have an accident. There were times that we didn't leave the bathroom for 45 minutes because Anne has master bladder control and would hold it just to try to avoid sitting on the potty. Fortunately for both of us, I'm more stubborn than she is. But at the end of the day we were getting more pee in the potty than out of it, so I felt like we were making progress.
Another thing that helped other than hanging out in the bathroom (and therefore inches from the toilet in case she started to go) was that I took a baby doll meant for the bathtub and filled it with water and let the water drain out into the kid potty. The drain hole is conveniently located to simulate peeing. So I would let the baby doll "pee" into the kid potty and then I would praise the baby. "Good job, baby! You peed in the potty! yay!" Anne thought this was the best game ever, and I think it gave her a visual to see what we were trying to accomplish. Regardless, she seemed more cooperative after we started doing that.
Sunday was much like Saturday, but with less accidents, and less time spent hanging out in the bathroom before she would agree to sit on the potty. Still a lot of resistance when I would take her into the bathroom though and that was extremely frustrating. Then we went to Kristian's parents' house and Anne walked right in and peed like she'd been doing it her whole life and I felt much better that she got the concept and knew how to do it, even if she was being stubborn.
I also discovered that part of Anne's resistance was that she didn't like me just swooping in and pulling her pants down and putting her on the potty. She wanted to be in control so I started telling her to tell me when she was "ready" after we got into the bathroom, and encouraging her to use the step stool. This made a world of difference. The sticker board and glow bracelets also continue to be a huge hit.
Monday morning I felt confident in sending Anne to school in undies, though I was prepared for her to have several accidents (the teachers had warned me that her first week would probably be a little rough). She did ok her first day, but not great. More accidents than anything else. Tuesday was the same. Wednesday, however, she had no wet accidents, only poop. Thursday was the same as Wednesday.
And then today...today I got Anne to poop in the potty and I couldn't have been happier. This time I had to do the naked method. She tried to go, got up, and I just left her undies off because I knew she'd been holding it all day. Sure enough it worked, within 5 minutes she was wanting to go back to the potty. I just reassured her that I knew she could do it and we just waited and it happened. She was so excited to finally get a "poop prize" and she wanted me to read her "Princess of the Potty" book again...and then called herself a "Potty Princess." I think she recognized that she had finally done everything the girl in the book does. Here's hoping that once is all it took to convince her that using the potty for #2 is not only something she *can* do, but something she prefers doing.
She also went potty at the park, and got out of the tub halfway through her bath to avoid peeing in the tub. Today is day 3 of no wet accidents, and day 1 of zero accidents at all. I don't want to jinx it, but I think it might be safe to say that I have successfully potty trained my 21 month old daughter :-) It took about 8 days total (4 of which were at daycare). But I think those initial 3 days were crucial. Granted, we still have night training, but she's been staying dry at night since she discovered she has control of her own bladder. So I'm thinking that might be a breeze...hoping anyway. :-)
Best tip I got : Put her in underwear and go for it. Definitely worked and we didn't have a long drawn out process with pull-ups. Everything else was tailoring the process to my daughter's personality and needs.
I am a happy and proud mommy :-D
Friday, August 3, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Adventures in Potty Training
Everyone has their method for this it seems and I'm absolutely stealing other people's ideas so I'm not claiming to have come up with any of this on my own. Also, no clue if it's going to work or not since we're still in the middle of the process, but I wanted to keep track of how things are going.
Several months ago Anne's Grammy bought her a Disney Princess potty to keep at her house just to introduce Anne to it. By some miracle, Anne (who was only about 18 months old at the time) sat on it and actually peed so I got excited and got Anne her own Dora potty (that she picked out) for our house, as well as one of those little seats you can hang on the side of a real toilet and pop into the seat when needed. The Dora potty may have been a waste of money as it quickly became nothing more than a step stool to get to the sink easier as Anne refused to even sit on it for the most part. But, I kept encouraging her to try it and kept talking to her about using the potty. I think over the past few months there may have been 3-4 total instances of Anne actually going in the little potty either at Grammy's house our ours, but we did get her to sit on it occasionally.
With her second birthday rapidly approaching and knowing that Anne would be moving up to the toddler classroom at school soon, where they potty train on real mini-sized toilets, I started looking around for information on how to go about doing this. Originally I wanted to spend the week of our vacation in early July trying to train her, but our schedule filled up quickly with social activities and I knew I wouldn't have the time; also, her school wasn't planning on moving her up until August. During this time I came across a potty training method on Pinterest that involves 3 days of extensive training that involves letting them run around naked and using big kid undies and you pretty much don't leave the house for 3 days because all you do is focus on potty training. It also encouraged using "potty prizes", one bag for pee and one bag for poop, to help encourage them to use the potty. There was more to it but that's the general gist.
So I found a three day weekend at the end of July and set it aside. Then, in preparation for the Potty Marathon, two weeks before the Potty Marathon weekend I bought Anne a couple of books about potty training for kids (Princess of the Potty, which I highly recommend because it's very detailed and teaches kids the whole method, including sometimes waiting and nothing happening, and accidents; there's a Prince version too) and an Elmo book that plays "potty songs" (classic kids songs with new words about using the potty).
Since we were trying to put her on the potty at home, I asked the school to start working with her and they decided to go ahead and move her up to the toddler class. That seems to be working out fine as Anne was already familiar with the room and the teachers in there.
This weekend we bought her "big kid undies" and a whole bunch of $1 potty prizes (thank you, Target, for your $1 bins). I separated some of the bigger, cooler items into a poop prize bag and some other things like stickers and glow bracelets into the pee prize bag. I left out a big sheet of smiley stickers to use when she at least tries to go; if she succeeds she'll get a bigger prize.
A note about big kid undies: ignore the weight reference on the package, manufacturers are idiots. According to the size chart my 30 lb daughter should be in a 4T, but those would be huge on her as the 2T/3T size fits perfectly with a little bit of room for growing. Buy one pack and try them on your kid before settling on a size.
I started out giving her stickers if she at least tried, and I'm still doing that, but at first she didn't really know what to do with the stickers (and I didn't really want them plastered all over my house). So I bought a poster board and hung it up in her room where she can reach it, and now if she gets a sticker I tell her to go put it on her "Potty Board" and she happily runs in her room and sticks it on the poster. Also, the smiley stickers are hanging out of her reach but in sight in the bathroom, so when she sees them she knows what they're for. She's also very excited about the prize bags but has only earned one bracelet so far, which she may or may not have bamboozled me out of. Not sure if she actually went or not, but after a day of mostly refusing to sit on the potty, I was so happy that she initiated on her own that I let her have it anyway.
Had a quick test run this weekend with the undies because when we tried a pair on Anne to make sure they fit okay, she didn't want to take them off. However, after 3 pee accidents and then pooping in them, which I'm sure felt absolutely awful, she asked for her diaper back. I was happy she tried them out at all, but also happy she was okay with going back to her diaper because I wasn't ready yet to send her to school in undies this week. She's not ready for that yet. Hopefully *next* Monday she will be in undies and we can ditch the diapers except for at night. Not doing night training until I feel like she has a good grasp on daytime trips.
This adventure is as confusing for me as it probably is for her because some days she does just fine with taking trips to the potty and then some days she will refuse it completely all day and then initiate on her own 3 times around bath/bedtime. The refusing is frustrating for me. The one constant that she seems to be good at is right after her bath. I tell her "no pee in the tub" so I think she actually tries to hold it; she always wants to get on the potty immediately after getting out of the water whether she's gotten dry or not. These are the few times I've actually heard it and know she was productive. And I think she's beginning to really notice when her diaper is wet and that she doesn't like it because sometimes she will tell me "Potty!", and her diaper will be wet even though she doesn't want to sit very long on the potty. I don't know if we're just not making it to the bathroom in time, or if she's telling me after she goes instead of before.
I'm just really hoping that by Sunday of this weekend, she's basically gotten it down. I really don't want to have to keep her in diapers, but if she doesn't make any real progress I'll have to. Guess we'll see!
Several months ago Anne's Grammy bought her a Disney Princess potty to keep at her house just to introduce Anne to it. By some miracle, Anne (who was only about 18 months old at the time) sat on it and actually peed so I got excited and got Anne her own Dora potty (that she picked out) for our house, as well as one of those little seats you can hang on the side of a real toilet and pop into the seat when needed. The Dora potty may have been a waste of money as it quickly became nothing more than a step stool to get to the sink easier as Anne refused to even sit on it for the most part. But, I kept encouraging her to try it and kept talking to her about using the potty. I think over the past few months there may have been 3-4 total instances of Anne actually going in the little potty either at Grammy's house our ours, but we did get her to sit on it occasionally.
With her second birthday rapidly approaching and knowing that Anne would be moving up to the toddler classroom at school soon, where they potty train on real mini-sized toilets, I started looking around for information on how to go about doing this. Originally I wanted to spend the week of our vacation in early July trying to train her, but our schedule filled up quickly with social activities and I knew I wouldn't have the time; also, her school wasn't planning on moving her up until August. During this time I came across a potty training method on Pinterest that involves 3 days of extensive training that involves letting them run around naked and using big kid undies and you pretty much don't leave the house for 3 days because all you do is focus on potty training. It also encouraged using "potty prizes", one bag for pee and one bag for poop, to help encourage them to use the potty. There was more to it but that's the general gist.
So I found a three day weekend at the end of July and set it aside. Then, in preparation for the Potty Marathon, two weeks before the Potty Marathon weekend I bought Anne a couple of books about potty training for kids (Princess of the Potty, which I highly recommend because it's very detailed and teaches kids the whole method, including sometimes waiting and nothing happening, and accidents; there's a Prince version too) and an Elmo book that plays "potty songs" (classic kids songs with new words about using the potty).
We read Princess of the Potty when we're hanging out and we sing the potty songs while she's sitting on the potty. I started making a more concerted effort to get her to sit on the potty, and was pleasantly surprised when she preferred the pop-in seat on the real toilet (less mess for me, yay!).
Since we were trying to put her on the potty at home, I asked the school to start working with her and they decided to go ahead and move her up to the toddler class. That seems to be working out fine as Anne was already familiar with the room and the teachers in there.
This weekend we bought her "big kid undies" and a whole bunch of $1 potty prizes (thank you, Target, for your $1 bins). I separated some of the bigger, cooler items into a poop prize bag and some other things like stickers and glow bracelets into the pee prize bag. I left out a big sheet of smiley stickers to use when she at least tries to go; if she succeeds she'll get a bigger prize.
A note about big kid undies: ignore the weight reference on the package, manufacturers are idiots. According to the size chart my 30 lb daughter should be in a 4T, but those would be huge on her as the 2T/3T size fits perfectly with a little bit of room for growing. Buy one pack and try them on your kid before settling on a size.
I started out giving her stickers if she at least tried, and I'm still doing that, but at first she didn't really know what to do with the stickers (and I didn't really want them plastered all over my house). So I bought a poster board and hung it up in her room where she can reach it, and now if she gets a sticker I tell her to go put it on her "Potty Board" and she happily runs in her room and sticks it on the poster. Also, the smiley stickers are hanging out of her reach but in sight in the bathroom, so when she sees them she knows what they're for. She's also very excited about the prize bags but has only earned one bracelet so far, which she may or may not have bamboozled me out of. Not sure if she actually went or not, but after a day of mostly refusing to sit on the potty, I was so happy that she initiated on her own that I let her have it anyway.
Had a quick test run this weekend with the undies because when we tried a pair on Anne to make sure they fit okay, she didn't want to take them off. However, after 3 pee accidents and then pooping in them, which I'm sure felt absolutely awful, she asked for her diaper back. I was happy she tried them out at all, but also happy she was okay with going back to her diaper because I wasn't ready yet to send her to school in undies this week. She's not ready for that yet. Hopefully *next* Monday she will be in undies and we can ditch the diapers except for at night. Not doing night training until I feel like she has a good grasp on daytime trips.
This adventure is as confusing for me as it probably is for her because some days she does just fine with taking trips to the potty and then some days she will refuse it completely all day and then initiate on her own 3 times around bath/bedtime. The refusing is frustrating for me. The one constant that she seems to be good at is right after her bath. I tell her "no pee in the tub" so I think she actually tries to hold it; she always wants to get on the potty immediately after getting out of the water whether she's gotten dry or not. These are the few times I've actually heard it and know she was productive. And I think she's beginning to really notice when her diaper is wet and that she doesn't like it because sometimes she will tell me "Potty!", and her diaper will be wet even though she doesn't want to sit very long on the potty. I don't know if we're just not making it to the bathroom in time, or if she's telling me after she goes instead of before.
I'm just really hoping that by Sunday of this weekend, she's basically gotten it down. I really don't want to have to keep her in diapers, but if she doesn't make any real progress I'll have to. Guess we'll see!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
So I turned 32 yesterday...
Wasn't the best of birthdays, been sick for several days and quite frankly turning 32 held little to no appeal for me, but it turned out well enough because I have an amazing and loving husband who remembered I love roses and greeting cards and good food, and because I have amazing and loving friends who reminded me they care about me. Not the least of which was the singing phone call from one of my oldest friends. Was good to laugh between coughing. So I guess in the end I can say it was a pretty good birthday after all.
2012 has been a hard year for me, though only a few people knew this. Just a lot of introspection, self discovery, and fighting some internal battles. But thanks to taking a leap of faith recently and putting trust in a woman I have come to love and adore like a sister, I feel like things are starting to finally come together in my head. I'm starting to feel healthier on a mental level than I have in years. And now I have someone to help me fight those internal battles. Somewhere along the line I had forgotten that as humans we need each other's help to get through the hard stuff. I only wish I had asked for help sooner. And I love my husband with all my heart and soul, but sometimes you just need a woman's perspective.
I can't possibly list all the things I've learned in my grand ole 32 years of life, but a few things I learned recently have some weighty importance to me.
1) I have to love my friends for who they are, not who I want them to be. This might mean that some friends are not as close as I would wish them to be because of differences I can't get around, but I can't expect a person to be someone they're not, and I have to love them for who they are. Realizing this has made some of my friendships so much better.
2) Ask for help even if it means taking a leap of faith and putting trust in someone regardless of how terrified I am. If I'm scared, that should be a good indication I need someone to help me through it. Life is not a one woman show.
3) I'm not perfect. I can reinvent myself as many times as I want, but my inherent demons are always hiding in the shadows. Which means I have to fight them back, every single day. If I want anything good in my life, this is not an option, it's mandatory. Refer to (2) above for help accomplishing this.
I always feel like my birthday is actually my "New Year", not January 1st. So here's to making this year better and healthier than the last.
2012 has been a hard year for me, though only a few people knew this. Just a lot of introspection, self discovery, and fighting some internal battles. But thanks to taking a leap of faith recently and putting trust in a woman I have come to love and adore like a sister, I feel like things are starting to finally come together in my head. I'm starting to feel healthier on a mental level than I have in years. And now I have someone to help me fight those internal battles. Somewhere along the line I had forgotten that as humans we need each other's help to get through the hard stuff. I only wish I had asked for help sooner. And I love my husband with all my heart and soul, but sometimes you just need a woman's perspective.
I can't possibly list all the things I've learned in my grand ole 32 years of life, but a few things I learned recently have some weighty importance to me.
1) I have to love my friends for who they are, not who I want them to be. This might mean that some friends are not as close as I would wish them to be because of differences I can't get around, but I can't expect a person to be someone they're not, and I have to love them for who they are. Realizing this has made some of my friendships so much better.
2) Ask for help even if it means taking a leap of faith and putting trust in someone regardless of how terrified I am. If I'm scared, that should be a good indication I need someone to help me through it. Life is not a one woman show.
3) I'm not perfect. I can reinvent myself as many times as I want, but my inherent demons are always hiding in the shadows. Which means I have to fight them back, every single day. If I want anything good in my life, this is not an option, it's mandatory. Refer to (2) above for help accomplishing this.
I always feel like my birthday is actually my "New Year", not January 1st. So here's to making this year better and healthier than the last.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Bedtime Bliss
Putting Anne to bed last night was one of the most enjoyable moments I have ever had as a Mom.
We've worked out a new bedtime routine that includes nursing her, letting her play on the bed for about 15 minutes, and then having her lay down next to me until she falls asleep (during which time she can continue to play with a toy or look at a book as long as she's laying down). It's working reasonably well as long as I remember to be patient with her and not try to force her to do anything.
Last night when I told her it was time to lay down, she snuggled up to me, laying on her side facing me as I laid next to her. Taking this moment as an opportunity to enjoy the closeness and her willingness to lay there with me, I started asking her yes/no questions about her day.
"Did you have fun at school?" (nods yes)
"Did you get to color today?" (nods yes and smiles)
"Did you get to play with construction paper?" (nods yes)
"Did you play on the bridge?" (shakes head no)
"Did you play in the toy house?" (nods yes)
"Did you sing any songs?" (nods yes, grins, and makes the hand motion that means Itsy Bitsy Spider to her. At which point I sang the song for her, twice, and we had fun giggling together)
I continued asking her questions for several minutes, including naming some of her classmates and asking if she played with them. She grinned extra big when I mentioned a little boy named Junior... uh oh ;-) At one point she just babbled for awhile and I listened and made appropriate comments to encourage her to keep "talking" to me.
It was amazing. We had a whole conversation.
When I ran out of questions to ask her, she wanted to look at some books. I talked about what I saw in the pictures since she didn't want me to read the actual stories. She fell asleep with a book on her chest, still curled up in my arms.
It's these moments that make it all worth it, that make parenting the best thing in the world.
We've worked out a new bedtime routine that includes nursing her, letting her play on the bed for about 15 minutes, and then having her lay down next to me until she falls asleep (during which time she can continue to play with a toy or look at a book as long as she's laying down). It's working reasonably well as long as I remember to be patient with her and not try to force her to do anything.
Last night when I told her it was time to lay down, she snuggled up to me, laying on her side facing me as I laid next to her. Taking this moment as an opportunity to enjoy the closeness and her willingness to lay there with me, I started asking her yes/no questions about her day.
"Did you have fun at school?" (nods yes)
"Did you get to color today?" (nods yes and smiles)
"Did you get to play with construction paper?" (nods yes)
"Did you play on the bridge?" (shakes head no)
"Did you play in the toy house?" (nods yes)
"Did you sing any songs?" (nods yes, grins, and makes the hand motion that means Itsy Bitsy Spider to her. At which point I sang the song for her, twice, and we had fun giggling together)
I continued asking her questions for several minutes, including naming some of her classmates and asking if she played with them. She grinned extra big when I mentioned a little boy named Junior... uh oh ;-) At one point she just babbled for awhile and I listened and made appropriate comments to encourage her to keep "talking" to me.
It was amazing. We had a whole conversation.
When I ran out of questions to ask her, she wanted to look at some books. I talked about what I saw in the pictures since she didn't want me to read the actual stories. She fell asleep with a book on her chest, still curled up in my arms.
It's these moments that make it all worth it, that make parenting the best thing in the world.
Monday, December 5, 2011
New Cute Things My Daughter is Doing
* Anne eats at the table with us now, with her own plate. Except she often picks her food up off the plate and puts it on the table next to her (which is not cute). But if you ask her to put the food back on her plate, she does it :-D
* I often sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider to her when I change her diaper because she loves the hand motions. She has a little hand motion version she does to tell me she wants me to sing it. Yesterday we were in the kitchen and she did the hand motion to tell me her diaper needed to be changed. Smart kid. Potty training soon?
* She can *almost* blow a kiss. She's got the noise down and the hand to her mouth part down. She just hasn't put it together yet.
* She knows the "clean up song" and will help me put her bath toys away now.
* She gets how to blow her nose from watching us even if she doesn't put enough force behind it. I was blowing my nose yesterday and she grabbed a tissue and mimicked me.
* I often sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider to her when I change her diaper because she loves the hand motions. She has a little hand motion version she does to tell me she wants me to sing it. Yesterday we were in the kitchen and she did the hand motion to tell me her diaper needed to be changed. Smart kid. Potty training soon?
* She can *almost* blow a kiss. She's got the noise down and the hand to her mouth part down. She just hasn't put it together yet.
* She knows the "clean up song" and will help me put her bath toys away now.
* She gets how to blow her nose from watching us even if she doesn't put enough force behind it. I was blowing my nose yesterday and she grabbed a tissue and mimicked me.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Small Milestones / Anne Update
* Anne likes to dance! If she likes the music she's listening to, she'll sway back and forth. It's adorable.
* Pointing at what she wants is her new favorite form of communication. It helps a lot, actually, though sometimes it's hard to tell just what she's pointing at, which sometimes results in crying until I get it right. It must be very frustrating to be a toddler.
* I thought "Up" was going to be one of Anne's first words, because I swear I've heard her say it, but it hasn't been consistent enough to count. On the other hand, she does know "Cat" and "No". So we have four words now, Dada, Mama, Cat, and No. I'm rather pleased that Cat was basically her first word :-). She also said Dog this past weekend, but only once or twice, and any small animal is usually a "cat" right now.
* She calls nursing "Nam" which I think is a butchered version of "Nom," since that's what Kristian and I call it.
* She's been off bottles since she turned 1, and I'm slowly shifting her to cow's milk (served in sippy cups) so I can stop pumping at work. I'm down to 1-2 pump sessions a day now (instead of 5) which is a HUGE relief for me. Much less stress. She also didn't nurse at daycare this morning for the first time, so I guess that's the end of that routine.
* Speaking of nursing, I no longer have to nurse her to sleep at night. Our new bedtime routine consists of me nursing her while I sit on my bed, then while she's still awake I hold her with her head on my shoulder, rock her, and sing to her until she falls asleep. Then I put her down on her bed, make sure she stays asleep by patting her or singing some more, and then enjoy the rest of my evening. I am loving this routine because it means I'm not stuck to her until she passes out, and it means I'm not falling asleep and wasting the few precious hours I have to spend with Kristian at night. We're making progress. Next goal is to night-wean her. I severely miss sleep.
* She loves to play outside. I intend to encourage this as much as possible.
* Pointing at what she wants is her new favorite form of communication. It helps a lot, actually, though sometimes it's hard to tell just what she's pointing at, which sometimes results in crying until I get it right. It must be very frustrating to be a toddler.
* I thought "Up" was going to be one of Anne's first words, because I swear I've heard her say it, but it hasn't been consistent enough to count. On the other hand, she does know "Cat" and "No". So we have four words now, Dada, Mama, Cat, and No. I'm rather pleased that Cat was basically her first word :-). She also said Dog this past weekend, but only once or twice, and any small animal is usually a "cat" right now.
* She calls nursing "Nam" which I think is a butchered version of "Nom," since that's what Kristian and I call it.
* She's been off bottles since she turned 1, and I'm slowly shifting her to cow's milk (served in sippy cups) so I can stop pumping at work. I'm down to 1-2 pump sessions a day now (instead of 5) which is a HUGE relief for me. Much less stress. She also didn't nurse at daycare this morning for the first time, so I guess that's the end of that routine.
* Speaking of nursing, I no longer have to nurse her to sleep at night. Our new bedtime routine consists of me nursing her while I sit on my bed, then while she's still awake I hold her with her head on my shoulder, rock her, and sing to her until she falls asleep. Then I put her down on her bed, make sure she stays asleep by patting her or singing some more, and then enjoy the rest of my evening. I am loving this routine because it means I'm not stuck to her until she passes out, and it means I'm not falling asleep and wasting the few precious hours I have to spend with Kristian at night. We're making progress. Next goal is to night-wean her. I severely miss sleep.
* She loves to play outside. I intend to encourage this as much as possible.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Anne's Birth Remembered
When I wrote Anne's birth story originally, it was a week or two after she was born and I wanted to remember all of the details. It's a fairly accurate play-by-play account, but after reading many birth stories written by other women I realized that I often forgot to mention how I *felt* throughout the experience. So, in honor of Anne's first birthday, I am rewriting her birth story, as I remember it now.
The week leading up to Anne's birth was excruciating. I had recurring lower back pain that made the hour long drive to and from work complete agony, and I had to borrow a heating pad to put in my chair because every few minutes the pain would get so intense I would have to stand up to get it to go away. I woke up several times at night and had to walk off the pain in my back and hips. I was miserable and even though I was not quite 37 weeks along, I was ready for Anne to arrive. I kept telling myself it was just my body's way of preparing me for the grueling work of labor. Looking back, I can't help but wonder if I was actually experiencing early labor pains, but I have no way of knowing for sure. It certainly wasn't what I thought a contraction would feel like, and I was still three weeks away from my due date, so I assumed that it wasn't, but I guess it could have been. The morning my water broke was the first morning in a week or two with no pain. I should have known something was up when I got in my car that morning and didn't feel like crying from discomfort the whole way to work. But I had just seen one of my midwives for a checkup 2 days before and she assured me I was nowhere near ready to go into labor, so I didn't think anything of it.
Pregnant women often pee on themselves (go ahead, laugh, but it's true; you try having bladder control with a baby kicking you there), so when my water broke the first little trickle didn't clue me in. I just grimaced, got up and went to the bathroom, and then came back to my chair. And then it happened again. Little bells went off in my head. It couldn't be pee, I just went to the bathroom! But that would mean...oh my gosh, my water just broke!! I almost felt dizzy I was so elated as I ran back to the bathroom. The world was spinning. I wasn't due for three more weeks! Kristian's mother had gotten on a plane for Philadelphia that morning! I almost couldn't believe it was happening. I was also mortified to discover that when your water breaks, it happens more than once (with each contraction). Thankfully one of my bosses lives nearby and brought me some towels. I called my doula to make sure I wasn't crazy and then I called Kristian to let him know. He was considerably calmer than I was. I was already beginning to feel a little spacey and frazzled.
Some women immediately experience strong contractions when their water breaks, but I felt nothing. I called my midwife, Anjli, agreed to meet her at the hospital to get checked and make sure everything was okay, and finished up one last thing at work before I headed over to the hospital. It was incredibly difficult to concentrate on that last document, the world felt like it was spinning faster than it should be. I waddled into the hospital with a towel slung between my legs (I was completely unprepared for my water breaking at work). I was too happy and excited to care that I must have looked like a total idiot. I walked up to the nurse's station and explained my condition and that I was meeting my midwife. Not realizing they were going to try to make me check in, I was confused when they asked me if I was having a water birth. It took me a second to realize they were asking so they could get the tub set up. I emphatically explained that I was not staying since I was not feeling any contractions yet, which led to a slight argument with the head nurse and signing a waiver so I could leave. My midwife checked me out, said everything looked fine, that I was having contractions even though I couldn't feel any pain yet, and then sent me home.
As I drove home to wait for my body to go into active labor, I looked at the beautiful blue sky and couldn't help but feel like it was a perfect October day. The weather was absolutely beautiful. Knowing I would need strength later, I stopped and grabbed some food on the way home. My mom and her then-fiance (now husband) Ray came over to help me around the house and wait with me, and Kristian came home from work soon after. I was already well into "laborland" by this point. Everything felt surreal and I had a hard time concentrating on much of anything. I think it took me an hour to pack our hospital bag and it really didn't have that much in it. My mind was already turning inward to prepare for the marathon my body was about to endure. I was excited, nervous, and happy. My little girl would be here soon!
After we packed our bags, Kristian and I laid down for a nap. I didn't sleep because I was too excited, but it was good to rest for awhile. Around 7:00 pm or so I had a strong contraction and I happily told Kristian. It was enough that I knew it was a contraction, but it mostly just felt like a strong cramp at that point. My Mom and Ray had gone to get us dinner from Cracker Barrell, so we went downstairs to eat when they got home. I stood up from the table and had another strong contraction around 8:00 or so as I tried to walk up the stairs into the living room. This time it was intense and my body temperature shot up; I was hot, and sweating and I needed Kristian to fan me with a paper fan while I waited for the contraction to subside. I remember hanging on to the railing by the kitchen stairs, breathing through it and a little surprised at the intensity.
The details after that get a little blurry. I stood in my living room while Mom, Ray, and Kristian watched me and talked to me as the contractions started getting closer together. I used a variety of pain coping methods, including blowing horse lips, hip circles, swaying, breathing, etc. I leaned against the wall during one contraction, swaying, picturing my body opening, and with Kristian by my side the whole time. I made a few trips up and down our stairs. At some point the contractions started coming right after another and were so intense that I started moaning and slapping my legs to keep a rhythm, repeating "open" over and over in my mind. I just went with the flow of my body, and let it take over. I never felt afraid. I was only barely aware of the other people around me, I just did what felt natural to me, which included standing and moving around.
At some point Kristian, my Mom and Ray started to look concerned and suggested we head for the hospital. I remember feeling unsure, like surely it had to be harder than that before it would be time to leave, and last longer, it had only been a couple of hours. Not that it wasn't intense, because I was definitely working hard to get through each contraction, I just felt like I was coping well, and I knew I wanted to labor at home as long as possible. The spacing of the contractions is what convinced me to go, though; they were practically right on top of each other and very strong.
We headed for the car. I remember Ray tried to guide me with his hand and I shook him off, I didn't want any men to touch me except my husband. It wasn't anything against him personally, I was just following my body's natural instincts. I climbed into the back seat and immediately regretted it. People had told me I would want to lay down on the drive to the hospital but laying down was the last thing I wanted to do, right next to being seated. I wanted to stand. But Kristian was already pulling out of the garage so I stayed where I was. On the drive down to the hospital (which was about an hour from our house but I think we got there in under 45 minutes) I moaned and beat on the windows with my fist. I remember feeling glad there was no traffic as I watched the highway and street lights slide past the window.
In the midst of the car ride I was also in the middle of a flurry of phone calls trying to organize a doula being with me because my doula, Renee, had an emergency and the back-up doula was with a client. In the end I got to keep Renee but it was crazy trying to handle that while I was in the middle of having extremely intense contractions.
When we got to the hospital I forgot that they close the front entrance after 9:00 pm until I was already out of the car and at the door. At this point I could barely walk, but the thought of getting back in the car sounded so awful I started to try to walk around the corner of the building toward the ER entrance. I didn't get very far because I could barely move and had to stop every foot or so to manage another contraction. Eventually we convinced a nurse or someone to let me in a side door.
We headed up to the 7th floor. I distinctly remember being pissed off that the nurses were making me fill out paperwork and show my photo ID while I was clearly having extremely strong contractions, moaning and slapping my legs to get through them. I waddled to my room once they finally admitted me (where was the scene where you're whisked off in a wheelchair like in the movies??) and stood by the bed. I vaguely remember my father-in-law bringing my mother-in-law into the room (she had gotten a flight back that day because I wanted her there for the birth) and my instincts again told me the only male I wanted near me was my husband, but I waited for him to leave and didn't say anything. The nurses strapped the strip monitor around my belly and I wanted to murder them for the next half hour or so. I was beating on my legs so hard it made the monitor jump and they couldn't get a clear reading; my midwife had to hold the monitor on my belly to satisfy the nurses and by that point I had already told one of them that I hated them. They finally removed that torture device and Anjli ordered the nurses to fill the birthing tub.
I asked myself if I wanted any pain meds just to test myself, and my answer to myself was "Nah, I got this." Even as strong and as close together as the contractions were, I knew I could do it. I wasn't afraid, I was just trusting my body to do what it was supposed to do. It was a roller coaster ride and I wasn't getting off until it was over.
I told my midwife I felt like I had to push, and she told me to go with it, so I did. I pushed and my knees buckled and I sank to the floor. She stripped my pants off me and I got on the bed after that and labored on all fours. It's amazing how much you have no sense of modesty when you're in labor, it just doesn't matter anymore. Anjli had me lay down on my side for a cervical exam to see how far dilated I was. Laying down was the worst, my contractions were almost unbearable in that position. It was the only time I remember feeling like the pain wasn't manageable but fortunately I wasn't in that position for long. I had been told that cervical exams were painful, but because my contractions were so intense I welcomed the different sensation; it almost felt good just because it was a different feeling. Anjli checked me and told me I was 8 to 9 centimeters. I couldn't believe I had already gone through transition, which is said to be the hardest part, and I shouted "Hell Yeah!!!" when she told me. (thinking back, I shouldn't have been surprised since I was already pushing, but I've never been known to be logical anyway)
Soon after, the tub was ready and I climbed into that glorious warm water. I didn't bother to change, I just left my t-shirt and bra on. They turned off most of the lights in the room so it was nice and dark. I couldn't believe how much better the water felt; the weightlessness took the pressure off of the edema in my feet, ankles and legs, and my contractions finally spaced out enough that I got a break between each one. I kept my eyes closed most of the time, I was completely focused inward on what was happening with my body, and I hung on to Kristian's hand and Renee's hand for dear life. Anjli rubbed my back through the contractions, just a light touch but it made it so much easier for some reason. I knew the moms were off to one side. I felt safe and I continued to let my body take over.
At one point I opened my eyes to see the beautiful moon shining through my window and I knew it was a moment I wanted to remember. I got such a long break between a couple of contractions I almost fell asleep on the side of the birthing pool. Pushing was a lot of work. It didn't hurt as much as the other kind of contractions, but it was still really intense. It's really more like an involuntary convulsion, a lot like pooping, honestly. Kristian and Renee kept encouraging me through the contractions, telling me that I was strong and that I could do it, which helped me a lot. At some point Renee suggested I internalize more of my moaning and let the contraction build more before pushing, and that seemed to help me make more progress.
I had no sense of time throughout my labor once I got to the hospital, and I only had a vague sense of what time it was before we left. I didn't want to know how long it was taking because I didn't want my brain playing mind games with me if it was taking a long time. It didn't matter to me if my labor took 8 hours or 30, I just wanted my body to do what it was supposed to do, and I was trusting that it would take exactly as long as it was supposed to.
That being said, I did get really exhausted at one point. I started whimpering after each push because I was so tired. Anjli told me to reach down and I could feel Anne's head in the birth canal. As my fingers touched her squishy little head and I realized how close she was, a renewed sense of energy washed through me. She was so close!! So I pushed some more, and kept touching her head to see if she was making any progress. I started getting tired again and was somewhat dismayed that she didn't seem to be moving any, and I asked Anjli why she hadn't crowned yet. She and Renee suggested I switch positions. I went from being on my knees to squatting, but I had a hard time holding myself in that position, so then I leaned against one edge of the tub while Kristian held me under my arms and Renee and I held opposite ends of a twisted sheet. Whenever I had a contraction I would pull on the sheet, and she would hang on to the other end, and I used the leverage to help me bear down.
I don't know how many pushes it took while holding on to the sheet, but I don't think it was many before Anne started to crown. Anjli told Kristian to look and he exclaimed "Holy crap, there really is a person in there!" I laughed. The moms started cheering with each push, really encouraging me to push hard. I started to get excited. Finally they told me "one more!!" and I pushed harder than I ever had before. My low moaning ripped out of my mouth in a scream as I felt like my bottom was being torn in half, and I knew what they meant by the phrase "ring of fire." It was literally the most intense pain I have ever felt in my life, but it was over almost as quickly as it began. I still had my eyes closed so I didn't see Anne appear in the world but I felt every single inch of her body slide out of mine. The swiftness of her exit after I had been pushing for so long was a shock, but then I was holding her in my arms and looking down at this wet gooey creature with brown hair. I had a moment of panic and asked Anjli to make her cry so I could be sure she was breathing, so she rubbed Anne's back and I heard my daughter's voice for the first time.
I was too exhausted to cry but I was definitely in awe of this tiny creature in my arms. The vernix wasn't as gross as I thought it would be, and I was surprised to see that the umbilical cord was blue. My Mom cut the cord when we were ready and Anjli took Anne from me and handed her to Kristian so I could get out of the tub because I was starting to get cold. I stood up, shivering, and realized it was all over. I had done it! No epidural, no other kinds of pain meds, no interventions. Everything had gone beautifully. I told everyone in the room "I'm a BADASS!!" and climbed out of the tub to laughter.
They wrapped me in a warm sheet and helped me to the bed where Anjli helped me deliver the placenta (uncomfortable but not really a big deal after birthing a baby) while the nurses did all the initial tests on Anne. They were out of Ibuprofen and one of the nurses handed me some pills. I asked what they were before I took them from her and she told me percocet; I angrily told her no because I needed to breastfeed and asked Kristian for some Aleve we had brought with us instead. I delivered a baby without pain medication, I certainly didn't need percocet afterward! Anjli brought me a sack lunch and I ate the best tasting turkey sandwich I've ever had in my life (only because I was so hungry).
They handed my daughter to me and I immediately put Anne to my breast. She latched on like a champ. Kristian stood by the bed and I was in complete awe of this little girl that we created. For a few moments we were the only three people in the world.
Anne was born at 2:34 am on Saturday, October 16, 2010, after being in active labor for approximately 7 1/2 hours, approximately 3 hours of which was pushing. She weighed 7 lbs 11.5 oz and was 20" long, with blue eyes and light brown/auburn hair.
None of the things we had packed for labor ever made it out of the bag; the lights, the music, my swimsuit top, none of it. The only thing in the room that was planned was the vase of dozen red roses my Mom had bought us. Kristian hooked up our Christmas lights afterward and it gave a nice serene glow to the room, along with the Atlanta skyline shining through our window. Kristian's parents stayed long enough to hold Anne before they headed home, and my Mom and Ray came back the next day. We spent the night in the delivery room and moved to postpartum the next morning.
And tomorrow, October 16, 2011, she will be 1 year old and my sweet baby girl will no longer be a baby, but a toddler. It went by too fast, but I have many more moments to look forward to.
The week leading up to Anne's birth was excruciating. I had recurring lower back pain that made the hour long drive to and from work complete agony, and I had to borrow a heating pad to put in my chair because every few minutes the pain would get so intense I would have to stand up to get it to go away. I woke up several times at night and had to walk off the pain in my back and hips. I was miserable and even though I was not quite 37 weeks along, I was ready for Anne to arrive. I kept telling myself it was just my body's way of preparing me for the grueling work of labor. Looking back, I can't help but wonder if I was actually experiencing early labor pains, but I have no way of knowing for sure. It certainly wasn't what I thought a contraction would feel like, and I was still three weeks away from my due date, so I assumed that it wasn't, but I guess it could have been. The morning my water broke was the first morning in a week or two with no pain. I should have known something was up when I got in my car that morning and didn't feel like crying from discomfort the whole way to work. But I had just seen one of my midwives for a checkup 2 days before and she assured me I was nowhere near ready to go into labor, so I didn't think anything of it.
Pregnant women often pee on themselves (go ahead, laugh, but it's true; you try having bladder control with a baby kicking you there), so when my water broke the first little trickle didn't clue me in. I just grimaced, got up and went to the bathroom, and then came back to my chair. And then it happened again. Little bells went off in my head. It couldn't be pee, I just went to the bathroom! But that would mean...oh my gosh, my water just broke!! I almost felt dizzy I was so elated as I ran back to the bathroom. The world was spinning. I wasn't due for three more weeks! Kristian's mother had gotten on a plane for Philadelphia that morning! I almost couldn't believe it was happening. I was also mortified to discover that when your water breaks, it happens more than once (with each contraction). Thankfully one of my bosses lives nearby and brought me some towels. I called my doula to make sure I wasn't crazy and then I called Kristian to let him know. He was considerably calmer than I was. I was already beginning to feel a little spacey and frazzled.
Some women immediately experience strong contractions when their water breaks, but I felt nothing. I called my midwife, Anjli, agreed to meet her at the hospital to get checked and make sure everything was okay, and finished up one last thing at work before I headed over to the hospital. It was incredibly difficult to concentrate on that last document, the world felt like it was spinning faster than it should be. I waddled into the hospital with a towel slung between my legs (I was completely unprepared for my water breaking at work). I was too happy and excited to care that I must have looked like a total idiot. I walked up to the nurse's station and explained my condition and that I was meeting my midwife. Not realizing they were going to try to make me check in, I was confused when they asked me if I was having a water birth. It took me a second to realize they were asking so they could get the tub set up. I emphatically explained that I was not staying since I was not feeling any contractions yet, which led to a slight argument with the head nurse and signing a waiver so I could leave. My midwife checked me out, said everything looked fine, that I was having contractions even though I couldn't feel any pain yet, and then sent me home.
As I drove home to wait for my body to go into active labor, I looked at the beautiful blue sky and couldn't help but feel like it was a perfect October day. The weather was absolutely beautiful. Knowing I would need strength later, I stopped and grabbed some food on the way home. My mom and her then-fiance (now husband) Ray came over to help me around the house and wait with me, and Kristian came home from work soon after. I was already well into "laborland" by this point. Everything felt surreal and I had a hard time concentrating on much of anything. I think it took me an hour to pack our hospital bag and it really didn't have that much in it. My mind was already turning inward to prepare for the marathon my body was about to endure. I was excited, nervous, and happy. My little girl would be here soon!
After we packed our bags, Kristian and I laid down for a nap. I didn't sleep because I was too excited, but it was good to rest for awhile. Around 7:00 pm or so I had a strong contraction and I happily told Kristian. It was enough that I knew it was a contraction, but it mostly just felt like a strong cramp at that point. My Mom and Ray had gone to get us dinner from Cracker Barrell, so we went downstairs to eat when they got home. I stood up from the table and had another strong contraction around 8:00 or so as I tried to walk up the stairs into the living room. This time it was intense and my body temperature shot up; I was hot, and sweating and I needed Kristian to fan me with a paper fan while I waited for the contraction to subside. I remember hanging on to the railing by the kitchen stairs, breathing through it and a little surprised at the intensity.
The details after that get a little blurry. I stood in my living room while Mom, Ray, and Kristian watched me and talked to me as the contractions started getting closer together. I used a variety of pain coping methods, including blowing horse lips, hip circles, swaying, breathing, etc. I leaned against the wall during one contraction, swaying, picturing my body opening, and with Kristian by my side the whole time. I made a few trips up and down our stairs. At some point the contractions started coming right after another and were so intense that I started moaning and slapping my legs to keep a rhythm, repeating "open" over and over in my mind. I just went with the flow of my body, and let it take over. I never felt afraid. I was only barely aware of the other people around me, I just did what felt natural to me, which included standing and moving around.
At some point Kristian, my Mom and Ray started to look concerned and suggested we head for the hospital. I remember feeling unsure, like surely it had to be harder than that before it would be time to leave, and last longer, it had only been a couple of hours. Not that it wasn't intense, because I was definitely working hard to get through each contraction, I just felt like I was coping well, and I knew I wanted to labor at home as long as possible. The spacing of the contractions is what convinced me to go, though; they were practically right on top of each other and very strong.
We headed for the car. I remember Ray tried to guide me with his hand and I shook him off, I didn't want any men to touch me except my husband. It wasn't anything against him personally, I was just following my body's natural instincts. I climbed into the back seat and immediately regretted it. People had told me I would want to lay down on the drive to the hospital but laying down was the last thing I wanted to do, right next to being seated. I wanted to stand. But Kristian was already pulling out of the garage so I stayed where I was. On the drive down to the hospital (which was about an hour from our house but I think we got there in under 45 minutes) I moaned and beat on the windows with my fist. I remember feeling glad there was no traffic as I watched the highway and street lights slide past the window.
In the midst of the car ride I was also in the middle of a flurry of phone calls trying to organize a doula being with me because my doula, Renee, had an emergency and the back-up doula was with a client. In the end I got to keep Renee but it was crazy trying to handle that while I was in the middle of having extremely intense contractions.
When we got to the hospital I forgot that they close the front entrance after 9:00 pm until I was already out of the car and at the door. At this point I could barely walk, but the thought of getting back in the car sounded so awful I started to try to walk around the corner of the building toward the ER entrance. I didn't get very far because I could barely move and had to stop every foot or so to manage another contraction. Eventually we convinced a nurse or someone to let me in a side door.
We headed up to the 7th floor. I distinctly remember being pissed off that the nurses were making me fill out paperwork and show my photo ID while I was clearly having extremely strong contractions, moaning and slapping my legs to get through them. I waddled to my room once they finally admitted me (where was the scene where you're whisked off in a wheelchair like in the movies??) and stood by the bed. I vaguely remember my father-in-law bringing my mother-in-law into the room (she had gotten a flight back that day because I wanted her there for the birth) and my instincts again told me the only male I wanted near me was my husband, but I waited for him to leave and didn't say anything. The nurses strapped the strip monitor around my belly and I wanted to murder them for the next half hour or so. I was beating on my legs so hard it made the monitor jump and they couldn't get a clear reading; my midwife had to hold the monitor on my belly to satisfy the nurses and by that point I had already told one of them that I hated them. They finally removed that torture device and Anjli ordered the nurses to fill the birthing tub.
I asked myself if I wanted any pain meds just to test myself, and my answer to myself was "Nah, I got this." Even as strong and as close together as the contractions were, I knew I could do it. I wasn't afraid, I was just trusting my body to do what it was supposed to do. It was a roller coaster ride and I wasn't getting off until it was over.
I told my midwife I felt like I had to push, and she told me to go with it, so I did. I pushed and my knees buckled and I sank to the floor. She stripped my pants off me and I got on the bed after that and labored on all fours. It's amazing how much you have no sense of modesty when you're in labor, it just doesn't matter anymore. Anjli had me lay down on my side for a cervical exam to see how far dilated I was. Laying down was the worst, my contractions were almost unbearable in that position. It was the only time I remember feeling like the pain wasn't manageable but fortunately I wasn't in that position for long. I had been told that cervical exams were painful, but because my contractions were so intense I welcomed the different sensation; it almost felt good just because it was a different feeling. Anjli checked me and told me I was 8 to 9 centimeters. I couldn't believe I had already gone through transition, which is said to be the hardest part, and I shouted "Hell Yeah!!!" when she told me. (thinking back, I shouldn't have been surprised since I was already pushing, but I've never been known to be logical anyway)
Soon after, the tub was ready and I climbed into that glorious warm water. I didn't bother to change, I just left my t-shirt and bra on. They turned off most of the lights in the room so it was nice and dark. I couldn't believe how much better the water felt; the weightlessness took the pressure off of the edema in my feet, ankles and legs, and my contractions finally spaced out enough that I got a break between each one. I kept my eyes closed most of the time, I was completely focused inward on what was happening with my body, and I hung on to Kristian's hand and Renee's hand for dear life. Anjli rubbed my back through the contractions, just a light touch but it made it so much easier for some reason. I knew the moms were off to one side. I felt safe and I continued to let my body take over.
At one point I opened my eyes to see the beautiful moon shining through my window and I knew it was a moment I wanted to remember. I got such a long break between a couple of contractions I almost fell asleep on the side of the birthing pool. Pushing was a lot of work. It didn't hurt as much as the other kind of contractions, but it was still really intense. It's really more like an involuntary convulsion, a lot like pooping, honestly. Kristian and Renee kept encouraging me through the contractions, telling me that I was strong and that I could do it, which helped me a lot. At some point Renee suggested I internalize more of my moaning and let the contraction build more before pushing, and that seemed to help me make more progress.
I had no sense of time throughout my labor once I got to the hospital, and I only had a vague sense of what time it was before we left. I didn't want to know how long it was taking because I didn't want my brain playing mind games with me if it was taking a long time. It didn't matter to me if my labor took 8 hours or 30, I just wanted my body to do what it was supposed to do, and I was trusting that it would take exactly as long as it was supposed to.
That being said, I did get really exhausted at one point. I started whimpering after each push because I was so tired. Anjli told me to reach down and I could feel Anne's head in the birth canal. As my fingers touched her squishy little head and I realized how close she was, a renewed sense of energy washed through me. She was so close!! So I pushed some more, and kept touching her head to see if she was making any progress. I started getting tired again and was somewhat dismayed that she didn't seem to be moving any, and I asked Anjli why she hadn't crowned yet. She and Renee suggested I switch positions. I went from being on my knees to squatting, but I had a hard time holding myself in that position, so then I leaned against one edge of the tub while Kristian held me under my arms and Renee and I held opposite ends of a twisted sheet. Whenever I had a contraction I would pull on the sheet, and she would hang on to the other end, and I used the leverage to help me bear down.
I don't know how many pushes it took while holding on to the sheet, but I don't think it was many before Anne started to crown. Anjli told Kristian to look and he exclaimed "Holy crap, there really is a person in there!" I laughed. The moms started cheering with each push, really encouraging me to push hard. I started to get excited. Finally they told me "one more!!" and I pushed harder than I ever had before. My low moaning ripped out of my mouth in a scream as I felt like my bottom was being torn in half, and I knew what they meant by the phrase "ring of fire." It was literally the most intense pain I have ever felt in my life, but it was over almost as quickly as it began. I still had my eyes closed so I didn't see Anne appear in the world but I felt every single inch of her body slide out of mine. The swiftness of her exit after I had been pushing for so long was a shock, but then I was holding her in my arms and looking down at this wet gooey creature with brown hair. I had a moment of panic and asked Anjli to make her cry so I could be sure she was breathing, so she rubbed Anne's back and I heard my daughter's voice for the first time.
I was too exhausted to cry but I was definitely in awe of this tiny creature in my arms. The vernix wasn't as gross as I thought it would be, and I was surprised to see that the umbilical cord was blue. My Mom cut the cord when we were ready and Anjli took Anne from me and handed her to Kristian so I could get out of the tub because I was starting to get cold. I stood up, shivering, and realized it was all over. I had done it! No epidural, no other kinds of pain meds, no interventions. Everything had gone beautifully. I told everyone in the room "I'm a BADASS!!" and climbed out of the tub to laughter.
(Kristian holds Anne for the first time)
They wrapped me in a warm sheet and helped me to the bed where Anjli helped me deliver the placenta (uncomfortable but not really a big deal after birthing a baby) while the nurses did all the initial tests on Anne. They were out of Ibuprofen and one of the nurses handed me some pills. I asked what they were before I took them from her and she told me percocet; I angrily told her no because I needed to breastfeed and asked Kristian for some Aleve we had brought with us instead. I delivered a baby without pain medication, I certainly didn't need percocet afterward! Anjli brought me a sack lunch and I ate the best tasting turkey sandwich I've ever had in my life (only because I was so hungry).
They handed my daughter to me and I immediately put Anne to my breast. She latched on like a champ. Kristian stood by the bed and I was in complete awe of this little girl that we created. For a few moments we were the only three people in the world.
Anne was born at 2:34 am on Saturday, October 16, 2010, after being in active labor for approximately 7 1/2 hours, approximately 3 hours of which was pushing. She weighed 7 lbs 11.5 oz and was 20" long, with blue eyes and light brown/auburn hair.
None of the things we had packed for labor ever made it out of the bag; the lights, the music, my swimsuit top, none of it. The only thing in the room that was planned was the vase of dozen red roses my Mom had bought us. Kristian hooked up our Christmas lights afterward and it gave a nice serene glow to the room, along with the Atlanta skyline shining through our window. Kristian's parents stayed long enough to hold Anne before they headed home, and my Mom and Ray came back the next day. We spent the night in the delivery room and moved to postpartum the next morning.
And tomorrow, October 16, 2011, she will be 1 year old and my sweet baby girl will no longer be a baby, but a toddler. It went by too fast, but I have many more moments to look forward to.
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