I meant to keep a journal of letters to you. I even wrote you a couple of letters before you were born, but I just haven't found the time to write again since then. So much going on; taking care of a newborn is the most time-consuming thing I've ever done. But, better late than never, right?
You are almost 5 months old and I cannot believe how quickly the time has flown by. Every day I hold you in my arms and thank God for you, this tiny miracle that your Daddy and I helped create. Sometimes I feel like I must be dreaming, and sometimes it feels like you've always been there.
Our life right now has settled into a pretty good routine (although other moms warn me that you'll shake things up on me periodically!). Daddy is working at Shumate Mechanical and I'm a legal assistant at a law office in Decatur. We have a pretty good life and are comfortable financially, even if our budget is a bit tight now that you're here.
I look around our split-level house and I'm amazed at how different your life will be from mine. When I was born, my parents and I lived in a single-wide trailer with a built-on living room and master bedroom in Florida. There was one bathroom and the kitchen was so small I could open the cupboard doors and play "house" because the doors reached across far enough that they felt like a door to the tiny room. The only part of the house that had air conditioning was the living room and master bedroom, so I grew accustomed to listening to a large box fan in my room to cool the hot Florida air. God willing, you will never know what it's like to live without air conditioning unless you choose to do so someday. You were born into a fairly nice house with substantially well-off parents. We're not rich, but I feel like I've come so far from my roots, and I'm so glad to be able to give these things to you.
You will also never know what it's like to have alcoholic parents (my dad and stepdad), what it's like to hear your parents scream at each other, what it's like to be kept awake until almost time to go to school because of a radio being blasted by a drunk parent. Your daddy and I have such an amazing relationship, one founded on respect and consideration for each other, and I'm so glad you will get to see what a loving marriage looks like. We keep God at the center of our relationship and He truly sustains us. Every day I fall more and more in love with your Daddy; he has been such a good father to you so far and he helps me even when I don't ask him to. I hope that he can show you what to expect in a husband some day so that you will marry a man as wonderful as your Daddy.
Speaking of being in love, my love for you grows every day and it already feels like my heart must burst. There is nothing more awesome to me than when I'm nursing you and you pause, look up at me, stare straight into my eyes, and smile. You don't have the words for it yet, but I know it's your way of telling me you love me too. Every new sound you make, every laugh, every new skill you learn leaves me full of awe; watching your little life unfold before my eyes is the best thing I have ever done with my life. I hate being away from you when I have to go to work but Daddy and I need two incomes to support all of us and give you the very best things we can. Please know that my insistence on giving you only breastmilk (no formula) is a testament to my love for you; pumping at work is not fun and can be very stressful some days because I always worry if I will make enough for you. You'll be starting solid foods soon though and hopefully that will make things a little easier.
I love being your Mom. I can never get enough time with you, and even when you're sleeping I have a hard time putting you down because I love to hold you in my arms and stare at your beautiful, perfect little face. I hope that Daddy and I can be the best possible parents for you.
I love you.
Always and Forevers,
Mom
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