Thursday, August 25, 2011

For my sister:

Dear Kayla:

Because I know you read this, I just wanted to say I love you and I miss you.

Always,

Sisi

More Adventures in Baby Led Weaning

Recently at Anne's daycare, the teachers let the babies play with blackberries and blueberries to make "art" by squishing them and spreading the fruit and juice around on a piece of paper.

Looking around at all the designs created by Anne's classmates, I noted that the pages were covered in juice and bits of fruit.  Then I finally found Anne's picture.

Her masterpiece has two small smudges.

When I looked at it and laughed, her teacher, Nika, confirmed my suspicions...because Anne is the only baby who has been eating solid/whole foods for several months, she has a really good pincer grasp, and she recognizes food for what it is.  Berries aren't for painting, they're for eating! Nika told me she had to actually press Anne's hand into one of the pieces of fruit to get her to smash it.   Oh, sweet Anne.  Already the different one. lol

Precious Moment of the Day

Apparently, Anne had a lot on her mind yesterday and she needed to talk to me about it.

When I first got home, she was asleep on Kristian's chest on the couch so I got some chores done, cooked dinner, woke her up, we ate, and then I took Anne up to the living room and sat on the couch with her for our usual post-dinner nursing.

When she was done she sat up on my lap, and then leaned over sideways so her head was resting on my chest, one arm curled around my back, and let me hold her.  She wasn't laying that way to go to sleep, she was wide awake, and babbling up a storm.  She just needed her mommy to hold her while she told me about her day.  She must have laid on my chest like that, talking to me, for at least 10 minutes.

It was *awesome*.  :-D

Monday, August 22, 2011

Awesome Weekend

Friday night I fell asleep on the couch with Anne while Kristian played video games.  For about the millionth time, he was sweet and let us lay on the couch while he sat on the floor.  He's been sitting on the floor since Anne was born so that I can lay down with her, and we've talked about getting a beanbag chair but sometimes convincing him to spend money on himself is harder than pulling teeth.

Which is why when I was out shopping Saturday morning for some things for Anne, and I saw a sign in a store window that said "Beanbag Chairs Sold Here" (or something similar), I decided to check it out.  Walking up to the store I realized the chairs might be a bit pricey, it was a leather furniture store, but I figured it was worth a shot.  I was right, they were pricey.  But I also knew that these chairs were comparable to prices I'd seen online, and the benefits of buying the chair from this store included the fact that I could see what I was getting, and if it ever needs more stuffing I know where to get it refilled.  I talked to the sales associate, I hemmed and hawed enough that he dropped the price by $50, I sat in the chair, fell in love, and bought it for Kristian.   He deserves it.

The fun part was trying to get it home.  The thing is HUGE.  When you sit in it, the beans stack up behind you to make a chair back.  It even gives me a headrest, but I'm shorter than Kristian.  Since I had Anne with me, the stroller was in the trunk, so I told the sales associate we could just stuff it in my front seat.  After pushing and poking for a few minutes we finally got it all in...only for me to walk around to the driver's side and realize it was filling half of my seat as well.  It would have been impossible to drive, so I had to leave the chair at the store, drive home and unload the stroller, and go back to the store so we could put the chair in the trunk.  It took up every inch of my trunk.  Then I took it home, switched it for the stroller again, and continued my day which included getting lunch for Kristian (who was at work) and then going by Discover Mills to find some shorts for Anne and a "Thank You" card to put with the chair for Kristian.  Needless to say, he's pretty happy with the chair :-D

My best friend's older son's 8th birthday party was Saturday evening, which was tons of fun.  It had been too long since we'd hung out.  They hired a scientist chick to come do a presentation for the kids (cool science experiments including electricity, fire, slime, and a cotton candy finale) and I think I enjoyed it as much as the kids did. Granted, I don't think I've ever given up my inner child, but it was Science Experiments!! How could that not be entertaining?!

Saturday night I was actually awake enough to stay up late for once so, after we put Anne to bed, Kristian and I stayed up watching The Tudors (season 3 I think).  Love that show.  For more reason than one...it was a very, very good night. :-)

Sunday we skipped church in favor of getting more sleep; Kristian actually getting to sleep in, me getting up at 7 am with Anne but getting to lay down with her when she took her morning nap.  Snuggling with the baby = win.  Did some chores and ran errands and then we had dinner with Kristian's parents.  Was great to see them and we got some very good news so it was a great day overall.

And the icing on the cake...I'm in the process of negotiating a somewhat part-time schedule at work so I can spend more time with Anne and feel less stressed trying to take care of my house and husband.  Win!



Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Dear Anne : August 16, 2011

Sweet girl, you are 10 months old today.  I looked at your Daddy holding you this morning and it astounds me how big you've gotten already.  You barely feel like an infant, more like a small child at this point.  I have mixed feelings about today.  It's exciting that you're getting older but also bittersweet.  In two short months you will be a toddler, and the baby days will be over.  Hopefully the toddler years and beyond will be just as sweet as the baby days have been.  I think the biggest thing I'm dreading is the age when you no longer want to cuddle with me or sit in my lap.  If you will just always want to cuddle with me, I think I'll be a happy mommy!  Note to self: I need to go cuddle with my own mom sometime soon. lol



You're crawling now and it's so much fun to watch you zip across the floor to get into whatever mischief you can find.  Just like your Daddy did, you love to mess with the house plants.  Some people have to find new homes for their pets when they have a baby (thankfully our cats seem to be adapting to you well), but I fear I may need to find new homes for my plants!  You love to throw the dirt on the floor and pull on the leaves, which would be fine if the next step wasn't to put them in your mouth.  You explore our house and I find it more fun to play in your room where I can let you wreak havoc without constantly pulling you away from things you can't play with.  You want to be held a little less now that you can move around on your own, but you're still our little Snuggle Monster.  You also pull up on furniture to a standing position, and "travel" along our hearth.  I'm sure you'll be walking in no time.

You discovered the game of "chase" this past weekend and Daddy and I are having fun crawling after you on the floor.  You will crawl a little ways and then stop and look back to see if we're still coming.  Of course, we always stay a few steps behind and pause when you do.  You always giggle and then get going again while we playfully threaten to "get you."  I think I enjoy it as much as you do.

You seem to love walks outside in the stroller.  Even when you're fussy and irritable inside, if we take a walk you get calm and watch everything.  I wonder if you love being outside as much as I do.

You're eating really well now, but it's starting to show that you're weaning.  I'm not making as much milk as I was and you're nursing for shorter periods and less often.  I have mixed feelings about this.  I'm ready to stop pumping, but I think I will miss the tender moments of nursing you.  You actually get cranky now if we don't feed you dinner on time; Daddy and I are still getting used to the idea that you're actually hungry for food now and not just milk.

I love spending time with you; the weekends are never long enough.  Though, after talking to some stay-at-home-moms, I wonder if being away from you so much makes me just appreciate the time we do have that much more.  Even the bad stuff is a joy to me because it's just part of parenting; since I don't see you all day long it might make it easier to handle in some ways.   Listening to your babbling makes me smile and your giggles make my heart melt.  You've learned how to make a kiss noise (though I'm not sure if you've made the connection from the sound to kisses) and I love it when you wrap your arms around me. Sometimes you just want Daddy, though, and I think he loves those moments when you turn from me and cling to him instead.  You've learned how to clap your hands together and I caught you clapping to a song at daycare this morning. It was adorable.

You still sleep in our bed every night and both Daddy and I still love it.  You do sleep by yourself when I first put you to bed, though, because Daddy and I usually come to bed a couple of hours later.  I think you will probably find the transition to your own bed at some point easier than I'm going to; I can't even imagine you not being there.  I love sleeping next to you.



You're getting so tall; apparently your grandfather was 6'4" and I think you might take after your Daddy and him.  I have to size up all of your clothes; you've already outgrown your 12 months bottoms and the tops are soon to follow; I have to go buy 18 months bottoms for you this weekend!  Part of this is because of the cloth diapers you wear, but some of it is just you.  Sadly this means that some of the bigger sizes we have for you are going to be the wrong season and we'll probably end up passing them along to your friends Lucy and Erica.

Sleep Sheep, Stitch, Corduroy Bear, and Pajama Doll (as Daddy has named her, the squishy pink and white doll that Grandpa Roland bought you) are your favorite toys right now.  You also love to sit in your rocking chair, the one that was Grandma's and Mommy's that Granddad refinished for you.  Pulling all of your books off of your shelf is endless amusement, and you love to unpack anything, whether it's a box of toys, the diaper bag, or the clothes from the dryer (nevermind that sometimes I'm trying to keep the clothes *in* the dryer!)  You love bathtime (Splash Splash!!) and playing with your plastic sea creatures.  The bouncer doesn't seem to interest you anymore and you haven't sat in your swing in months.  We still don't let you watch tv (not until you're 2) so I don't know what shows you will like, but sometimes the flashing lights from Daddy's video games will catch your eye (along with the controller in his hand) and we let you play with a controller that has no batteries for a few minutes.  Mostly you chew on the controller and ignore the tv at that point, though.



I love you more than words can express, and being your Mommy is the best thing ever.

Forevers and Always,

Mom



 

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

My Brand of Responsive Parenting

Recently Anne hit the dreaded separation anxiety + stranger danger phase all at once.  After two mornings in a row of complete meltdowns when I left her at daycare, I frantically asked friends for advice on things they did to get their children to be more comfortable when they have to leave them.  While well-meaning, I'm sure, all of the people who responded, except one, basically gave me the generic "it's just her age" response.  While I appreciated the effort to make me feel better, it didn't give me the answers I was looking for because it didn't give me anything *to do* to make the situation better, and I'm not the kind of parent who accepts just sitting back and letting "it's a phase" be the answer to my daughter being miserable.  I believe there is always a solution, you just have to look hard enough for it.

Thanks to advice from Heather E., the No Cry Separation Anxiety Solution book, and a little of my own motherly instincts, I'm going on my second or third week now (I've lost count) of tear-free mornings.  It took a couple of mornings of trying different things before I found what works for Anne, but that's the point...I never gave up trying.  I was determined to get her to a point where me walking out the door wasn't a catastrophe for her.  The right combo seems to be setting her in a bouncer standing up and letting her hold on to her Sleep Sheep while I kiss her, tell her I love her and goodbye, and then simply walk out the door, sometimes waving and blowing a kiss as I go. I make the teachers wait to change her diaper until after I've left the building.   I'm happy with myself for not accepting "it's her age" and just letting her cry as the answer.  And even if I was going on 2 weeks of tears every day, I'd still be trying to find *something* that works, because even if I didn't find the answer, I'd still feel glad that I was at least trying.

I like responding to my daughter's needs, even if it's not easy or convenient.  We went to Athens recently to visit my mom and her husband for his birthday, and on the drive home Anne was fussy.  In retrospect I should have nursed her before we left, but it hadn't been that long since I nursed her and I thought she would be okay.  She cried, Kristian distracted her, she stopped, then she cried some more, Kristian distracted her, wash rinse repeat.  After about the third or fourth cycle of this it became more than evident that she was not just going to sleep for the hour long car trip home, and Kristian's distractions weren't working anymore.  She wanted to nurse.  I found a side road off 316 and pulled over, put on my hazard lights, climbed in the back seat next to the car seat and nursed her.  Yay for tinted windows.

As I was sitting crammed in the back seat, I looked over at Kristian who was calmly and patiently checking the news on his phone.  All I could think was how much I love being a parent with him, and how much I love that we're the kind of parents who respond to our daughter's needs and that neither of us thought it would be okay for her to just cry the whole way home or until she wore herself out and passed out.  It wasn't convenient to pull over on the side of the road, and we got home much later than we had intended, but it was what Anne needed.  She happily fell asleep in my arms and I was able to put her back in her car seat and then let Kristian drive us home so I could sit with her to comfort her if she woke up again. She didn't, but I was there in case she needed me.

Responding to my daughter's needs will change over time as her needs change, but I hope that I can always be the kind of parent that looks for the best solution for my child and not necessarily the easy way out.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Dear Anne: (August 1, 2011)

Mondays are so hard for me.  After having two beautiful days to spend with you, I have to go back to work and take you back to "school" (daycare) for the day, and I usually spend most of Mondays feeling weepy.  I miss you so much.  I miss your smiles, your laughter, your little baby hugs, the way you cling to me when you nurse, you're cute babbling.  I miss watching you discover new things, especially now that you're crawling.  I'm so sorry I have to be away from you during the week; please know I'm doing the best I can to help provide for our family.

Every morning during the week I get up and leave you in bed with Daddy while I get your bottles ready for the day, and then I go upstairs to wake him up and get you.  Lately I often find you snuggled up to him since I'm not there with you for those few minutes.  I pull your sleepy self out of the bed and tuck your head on my shoulder, carry to your room where I change you, and then take you downstairs so I can nurse you while I eat breakfast.  When I first sit on the couch I always hold you on my lap for a few minutes first, just enjoying the way you feel in my arms.  I watch you sleep, your face turned toward mine with your head on my chest, and I kiss your cheeks, your forehead, your little nose.  I think about how it wasn't that long ago that you were so much smaller, and how it won't be long before you're too big to hold this way at all.  I desperately try to hang on to these moments so I will remember them because I know they are all too fleeting.

Infancy is rapidly coming to a close; you'll be a toddler in about two and a half months.  I'm not ready.  I love this part of your life, while you're still needy and sweet and tiny.  I'm sure I will love the later parts too, but babyhood is far too short.

I love you so much, and I can't wait to see you tonight.

Always and forevers,

Mom

Best Decision I Ever Made

(or why you should never be afraid to change prenatal care providers...)


When I was pregnant with my daughter, who is my first child, I knew I wanted to have a natural childbirth, i.e. medication free.  My mom and my mother-in-law both gave birth naturally, and I was determined to do it too, not to mention the fact that the thought of having an epidural needle stuck in my back terrified me.  My journey into preparing for such a birth began with this thought and led me to Labor of Love Doula and Childbirth Services where I hired a doula and attended breastfeeding and childbirth preparation classes.  My little sister, Kayla, also encouraged me and sent me Ina Mae Gaskin's Guide to Natural Childbirth and The Birth Partner to read.  

To give a little history, the first women's care physician that I ever saw, Dr. Elizabeth Schultz, that I went to for over ten years, always took her time during appointments, asked questions, provided nice cloth shawls, and even asked you to fill out a stress questionnaire before your appointment, so you felt like she was addressing you as a whole person and not just a cervix and a set of breasts to be examined.  Unfortunately, I had to change care providers to a more traditional (larger?) OB office near where I worked because my original physician didn't take insurance.  I chose this office on a referral, and because it was less than 2 miles from my office.  I didn't like the feel of this office as much as the one at Dr. Schultz's, but despite the rushed atmosphere, thin paper shawls, and grumpy nurses, I liked the doctor I was seeing for my annual exams fairly well.  So when I got pregnant, I began my prenatal care at my OB office.  It was, after all, conveniently close to where I worked....

Keep in mind that during these first few visits I was reading the material I mentioned before and preparing for a natural childbirth, which emphasized feeling safe during the birth above all else.  At my first prenatal visit at the OB office, I was informed that they had 6 doctors that I would rotate appointments with and whoever was on call would be the one to deliver my child.  This immediately sent up a red flag; I was expecting to deliver with the doctor I requested for my annual exams.  Also, my current doctor was not the first doctor I had seen at this office because I severely disliked the first doctor I went to and had requested to see a different doctor the next year for my exam.  So now they were telling me that not only would I have at least one prenatal appointment with the doctor that I didn't like, but there was a possibility that she would deliver my daughter.  Added to this was the fact that there was a male physician on staff, and I have never been comfortable with the thought of a male doctor providing any kind of women's care services for me.

But, telling myself that I was being silly and that I should think of it as having an entire "team" at my disposal, I persevered and continued to go to my prenatal appointments.  During this time I mentioned the hospital that my OB office delivered at to Teresa Howard, and she suggested that might not be the best hospital for me because of their record for interventions, which was a second red flag.  My second prenatal appointment was with the doctor I disliked, and despite trying to give her a second chance, I still didn't like her.  Third red flag.  Despite all of these warning signs going off in my head, I was terrified to change care providers.  It was completely irrational, and looking back I still can't tell you why I was so afraid, but it seemed like such a big deal to jump ship and ask someone else to guide me through this process.  

Then I went to my third prenatal appointment, which was with the male doctor.  And I nearly jumped out of my skin when he merely pulled on the top of my pants to put the machine that allows you to hear the baby's heartbeat on my stomach.  I tried to laugh it off after I left (still desperately, irrationally trying to make this situation okay that I was growing to hate more and more with each appointment), but the more I read Ina Mae's book, the more I realized this was not going to work.  I wrote a letter to the nurse practitioner who was assigned to me at the OB office asking if there was a way I could request the doctor who delivered my daughter because I absolutely could not do it with the doctor I didn't like, or with the male physician.  I also laid out my birth plan, explaining I wanted as natural a process as possible, because I didn't want to have to fight the doctors when it came time to give birth.  I heard nothing back from anyone at the office, but I had an appointment coming up so I waited until the appointment to address my letter.  The doctor that saw me that day (a 3rd, different doctor) checked the baby's heartbeat and then bluntly told me that my letter had been read by everyone in the office and they couldn't provide the kind of care I was asking for, and that I needed to change physicians.  I remember feeling stunned, as if she had slapped me in the face; one because I didn't intend for every doctor there to read my letter, and two because of her blunt and uncaring attitude.  

I literally cried when I left.  Despite hating so much about this OB office, I was still terrified to try anywhere else.  Ridiculous, I know.  I called my husband and calmed down and got on the computer when I got home.  Looking at the list of physicians provided by my insurance company was overwhelming; I had no idea where to start.  Then, I remembered that Labor of Love recommends Intown Midwifery, so I looked them up.  I knew I had two hurtles to overcome in convincing my husband that it was okay for me to deliver with a midwife...one, I had to prove that they had some sort of actual medical degree (they do, they're Certified Nurse Midwives, with multiple degrees from credible schools), and I had to make sure they took my insurance (Blue Cross Blue Shield, and they do).  Once I made sure both of those requirements were taken care of, I made an appointment.  I immediately felt better just from talking to the receptionist at Intown, who happily answered all of my questions. 

My first appointment with Intown was like a breath of fresh air.  The staff was nice, the other moms in the waiting room struck up a conversation with me, and when I was asked to go back to a room for my appointment I was handed a real, cloth shawl, not a thin piece of paper to cover myself with. I felt like I had come home.  My first appointment was with Anjli, who spent probably close to half an hour with me or more (as opposed to the less than 10 minutes at my previous office).  She treated me like a person, not a chart, and so did Margaret when I saw her for later appointments.  I didn't have to corner her to ask questions, she actually asked *me* if I had any.   I felt completely comfortable with both of them, and extremely silly that I had ever been afraid to change practices.  The level of personal care at Intown is worlds above what I was getting at the OB office. I felt like my wishes would not only be respected, but supported, and I knew that with these women at my side, I could have the kind of birth experience I was dreaming of.  I couldn't have been happier.  Switching to Intown Midwifery was the best decision I made during my pregnancy.

So, long story short...don't be afraid to change care providers, even if it seems like it's at the last minute.  Your birth will go much more smoothly if you trust the people helping you through the process.